When I think of musical battles, I remember the last scene in 8 Miles, when hip hop artist, Eminem locks himself in a bathroom in an attempt to restrain his nerves.   As he proceeds onstage, he loses himself completely to rhyme and rhythm, as he captivates the audience with his lyrical ingenuity.

Switch the tune from rap to rock and you could encounter a similar victory.

Hard Rock International is giving local bands the chance to win a spot on the lineup at Hard Rock Calling 2011 in London’s Hyde Park, one of the world’s most anticipated music festivals.  In celebration of its 40th Anniversary, Hard Rock is launching its global Battle of the Bands, where bands will complete live, in front of a panel of local celebrity judges and influential musicians.

The winner of Hard Rock Cafe Maui’s Battle of the Bands will be placed in one of four world regional categories, which will be narrowed down by the panel.  Bands making it to the final phase will be posted on www.hardrock.com, where fans worldwide will vote on their favorites from each region.

All four regional winners will be flown to London and given a spot on the bill at Hard Rock Calling 2011, which will take place June 24–26th in London’s Hyde Park.  The band that receives the most fan votes will open for one of the festival’s iconic headliners on the Main Stage, with the runners-up on the Second Stage.

Contact Hard Rock Cafe Maui for details: 808-667-2578 or register online.

Saturday (Dec 4), 9pm, Hard Rock Cafe, Lahaina, $42 general admission, 21+ only

You know how in the movie The Matrix, you are “a mental projection of your digital self”? Well if that were really the case, I think I’d look a lot like the Minnie to Mickey Avalon (born Yeshe Perl)—gaunt, ashen and wrought like the crispy end of a chewed wire. So it goes without saying that I would thereby look nothing like Avalon’s touring compadre Andre Nickatina (born Andre Adams, fka Dre Dog), whose build might make you wonder if he moonlights as a heavyweight champion. If you don’t know much about Avalon, this line from his succinct online bio speaks volumes: “He moved to the big city, living in cheap motels, eating dollar hamburgers, working the boulevard with ex-models, thorazine freaks, transvestites, mothers, fathers, drunks, junkies and punk rockers alike.” (Oh, BTW, his birthday is December 3—so, you know, maybe get him a lei or something.) Nickatina’s latest, Khan! The Me Generation, hit stores in April and is the 14th solo album to his credit, following up on works like 1995’s I Hate You With A Passion and 1999’s Tears of a Clown. 667-7400, hardrock.com

Last year, we also made Mickey Avalon’s show one of This Week’s Picks. Here’s what MauiTime‘s Ynez Tongson had to say: (December 10, 2009) – I’m kinda embarrassed to say this, but I’m a huge fan of Mickey Avalon. He reminds me of my last boyfriend: dark, lewd and full of substance abuse and criminal charges. I’m surprised his performance here isn’t getting more press coverage (Avalon, not my ex—but hey, if Avalon is interested in being my next ex-boyfriend, that’s fine with me, too). Avalon’s music focuses heavily on his past on the streets, drug use and prostitution involvement. If you like your music sounding like it just rolled out of bed (make up still smeared on from the night before), after having a cigarette for breakfast, definitely make time for this one.

WHERE TO GET TICKETS: bampproject.com /  groovetickets.com /  Local Motion Surf Shops  /  West Side Vibes  /  Hard Rock Cafe – Lahaina  /  Request Music  – Wailuku

LEARN MORE about the artists from their official websites: mickeyavalon.com / andrenickatina.ning.com

NPR picked Avalon’s song “Jane Fonda” as their Song of the Week (May 9, 2007)

The San Francisco Bay Guardian (from Andre’ Nickatina’s hometown) said Nickatina’s Conversation with a Devil: Cocaine Raps No. 3 “(is) better than gnomes annihilating ogres.” CLICK HERE to read what else they had to say.

Friday (October 22), 9pm at the Hard Rock Cafe, Lahiana, $35

Swiss surrealist H. R. Giger‘s Penis Landscape was framed in stars and stripes and made poster-size, as an insert into The Dead Kennedys‘ 1985 album Frankenchrist, earning the band a date with the courts for “distributing matter harmful to minors” (ironically, it ended with a hung jury). A year later, they disbanded, but reformed in 2001—however without lead singer Jello Biafra. But if you’re a fan, you already knew that. So I’ll be succinct and say that today, East Bay Ray is still their six string samurai, and D. H. Peligro is back on drums. Now manning the mic is vocalist Ron “Skip” Greer (his nickname, maybe, because he ditched Wynona Rider for the DK gig), and newest to the group, Greg Reeves on bass. In any configuration, it’s the band’s first time playing in Hawaii (and I’ll take the chance to insert the aside that their first-ever gig was at a San Francisco Filipino hub dubbed “Fab Mab”), so you won’t want to miss it. While you may be so inspired by our beautiful bar issue (online is alright, but print is best — get it while it’s still on stands) —and Hard Rock is indeed a good watering hole—don’t get too drunk to, ahem, make love. Because rolling down stairs and starting fights isn’t as fun as it sounds. 877-714-7668, groovetickets.com, underworldevents.com

Saturday (October 9), 2-3pm (all ages) & 9pm (21+ only), Hard Rock Cafe, Lahaina, $22

The “new roots” rockers of Iration are busy boys. By the Spring of this year alone, they supported 47 shows in 52 days on the Winter Blackout Tour with The Expendables, and in early March released their second full-length studio album Time Bomb, the anticipated follow-up to their debut No Time For Rest (2007). Their songs — a neon concoction of surf culture pop/punk and lovey-dovey reggae rhythms — have gotten ukubillions of plays (and top rankings) on iTunes and MySpace, and have been featured on shows from MTV to Fuel TV’s Triple Crown of Surfing recap. Iration’s return home to Hawaii (a BAMP Project production) on the heels of extensive mainland touring and the August release of their latest single “Summer Night,” and just before a main stage appearance at Cypress Hill’s Smokeout music festival (October 16; San Bernardino, CA). If you’ve found yourself “falling” for Iration, haul yourself Hard Rock, this Saturday. Who knows? You might meet someone at a concert and they might be wearing Converse… I guess I ought to mention that joining Iration is a little band called The Throwdowns. Haven’t heard much about them, but like any local band with humble Maui beginnings, they dream of national distribution and — Oh, wait… Tickets on sale at bamproject.com; groovetickets.com; Hard Rock Cafe, Lahaina; Local Motion surf shops; Requests Music; and West Side Vibes. 808-667-2578; music.irationtheband.com / thethrowdowns.com / hardrock.com

Saturday (September 25), 9pm, Hard Rock Cafe, Lahaina, $23 advance / $28 door

Celebrating the Hard Rock’s 20th anniversary, The Ataris will headline. Doors open at 9pm, with music beginning at 9:30pm. 21+ only. A portion of the proceeds will benefit The Sustainable Biodiesel Alliance*.

Check out the band’s MySpace page HERE

Get the skinny on the show and find out where to buy tickets HERE

Read MTV’s band biography and listen to tracks HERE

*About The Sustainable Biodiesel Alliance (SBA)

The Sustainable Biodiesel Alliance (SBA) is a 501(c) 3 non-profit organization created to promote sustainable practices, including the harvesting and collection, production and distribution of biodiesel fuels. The ultimate goal of the alliance is to create certification for sustainability in biodiesel that will provide transparency to the customer and build extra value for a more sustainable, local products.

Turns out, Mulligan’s on the Blue (874-1131) is as trapped in October as I am. For their New Year’s party, they’re featuring their All Hallows Eve music line-up (Kulture Klash 808, Fish Tank and Off Tomorrow) and they’re hosting a costume party. There’ll be $500 in prizes (put those creative juices to work, they’re seeking creatively themed threads), and whether you opt for the dinner package with complimentary champagne toast ($60, call for reservations) or for the gigs alone ($10 advance/$15 door), you score a killer view of the Wailea aerials.

On the topic of tenuous timelines, you know who else had their calendars all screwy? Everyone, from 47 BC until 1582. It wasn’t until the end of the 16th century—and the centuries following Pope Gregory XIII’s reformation of the Julian calendar—that many world countries adopted the Gregorian version and began to embrace January 1 as the day that “we’ll take a right guid-willie waught, for auld lang syne.” Uh, OK. Whatever that means. Oh c’mon. Nobody really knows the lyrics to that song we pretend to sing but once a year.

Besides, you ought to be too busy smooching (COSMOS says “kissing is good for the species) … or drinking… or at the very least, blowing those annoying paper noisemakers that fall limp with too much drunken spit. If you want some Willie songs (of the “Georgia On My Mind” variety) that you can really sing along to, I’ll remind you of last week’s Pick to check out Charley’s ($75, 579-8085).

Also last week, I encouraged every Bad Santa to head over to Casanova (572-0220) for the Kit Kat Club’s Christmas Cabaret. Whether avoiding Claus’s naughty list or your girlfriend’s s#%t list, I’m guessing a few of you might have stayed home. But New Year’s is a holiday of second chances, and the Kit Cat Club cuties are giving you just that with their New Year’s Eve Party—replete with bubbly and a soiree of DJs, gogo dancers and sideshow acts hot enough to light fireworks.

What else should be hot? Your fingers—lighting up the phone to call Timba ($25, 661-9873) and secure your New Year’s Eve reservations. The Hard Rock Café (667-7400) will feature DJ Chuck for just $7—with a portion of the proceeds going to World Hunger—and they too boast a gratis toast. And if you need as many options as Tiger’s got mistresses (talk about a roundup), Next Level takes over the Kahului Ale House while All Access Entertainment is busy putting on the party at Diamonds Ice Bar (874-9299), Oceans Bar & Grill (891-2414), and Lulu’s Lahaina (661-0808).

Staying true to their motto “Love All, Serve All” , the Hard Rock Cafe will be serving free Thanksgiving meals for anyone facing hunger and hard times. Local musicians will make this a holiday to remember (admission coupons can be picked up at Feed My Sheep and the Lahina Salvation Army.
Hard Rock has teamed up with Feed My Sheep to organize traditional Thanksgiving meals for those who aren’t as lucky as many of us. Feed My Sheep is a mobile food distribution program that brings food to neighborhoods of need, serving six locations throughout Maui: Haiku, Hana, Honokowai, Kihei, Lahaina and Wailuku. Thanks to financial support from 14 local businesses, 19 churches, and many private donors Feed My Sheep has served over 8,500 people in the last year with the goal of making Maui a hunger free island. The mission of Feed My Sheep is people of the community working together to feed the hungry in body, mind and spirit offering the equivalent of 120,000 meals monthly as well as a listening ear and prayer. With support of the community at the annual Stomp Out Hunger event Feed My Sheep has opened two new distributions in the last year and is working to extend to Lanai in the coming year. Feed My Sheep is a 510 (C) 3 non-profit organization.

EVENT: Hard Rock Cafe Feeds the Needy

WHEN: Thursday, November 26, 10:00 am – 1:00 pm

WHERE: Hard Rock Cafe (Maui) 808 667 7400

Click here to see this listing & more at MauiTime.com

"I'll show up at your trial as a character witness... If you think that'll help." - Captain Kirk in 'Mudd's Women'

Well, beam me up, Hard Rock! THE William Shatner along with Brian Evans will be on Maui, December 18th 2009 (Gotta attend? Make it so: here).

Seriously. I’m way more excited than even he is.

The evening will consist of a meet-and-greet with the two celebs, complete with music (hmm… maybe a little “Rocket Man” spoken word?) and even a book signing!

A portion of the door goes to World Hunger / Serve… sweet.

"One of the advantages of being a Captain is being able to ask for advice without necessarily having to take it." - Captain Kirk in 'Dagger of the Mind'

Well, as Captain Kirk also said (in ‘Miri’) “No more blah, blah, blah!”

Here’s a little extra fun…

Lucky there’s the Family Guy! Click the pic (left) for some Stewie awesomeness… Or right, for The Shat’s original.

Believe it or not its Bad Brains

After the cancellation of their first Pinktober Event, Hard Rock got Bad Brains coming October 28th at 9:30 pm. Straight to Hawaii after their appearance at the Smokeout Festival in San Bernadino, California. Well its no festival over here, but the Hard Rock is doing a cool thing trying to raise money for the Pacific Cancer Foundation. The Maui band the Throwdowns open for them! I am not a huge Bad Brains fan, but I love punk rock and there is something so cool about watching these dudes that look like they are gonna put out some straight up reggae and then its punk rock time. A live show is a live show here on the rock, its not reggae, and October is shaping up to be a real Rocktober after all. By the way I am not a reggae hater, just loving some musical diversity.

Maui's Own Throwdowns! Photo by Tony Novak-Clifford